I went home and talked to my mom for an hour. We figured out that even though I've been doing things to take my mind off of teaching, I don't really immerse myself in them. I'm either thinking about teaching or feeling guilty for not thinking about teaching.
It's also hard to break out of the mindset that "teaching is stressful, so if I'm not stressed I'm not doing it right," or that "if the solution is easy, it's probably wrong." Both of those are fallacies that I have to get over if I'm going to survive. Most of the time the simplest answer is the best one, and it's staring you right in the face.
Even when I'm prepared for the next day, I worry about it. Mom suggested that I write down my thoughts and worries, put them in a box, and then put that box away at the end of the day. I decided to alter that a little bit and just find a journal I'm not currently using, write down what's been accomplished, write a note saying that I'm done for the day, and then stick it in the drawer in my bedside table.
The rest of the day was spent watching Mean Girls, napping, and watching 30 Rock. It was spectacularly relaxing, and exactly what I needed. I didn't feel guilty in the slightest, because Lizzy expressly told me to take a personal day and not even think about school.
Today started much better, but Lizzy was in a foul mood going into all the choir classes--especially fifth and sixth hour. All of the classes were wiped out and didn't want to do anything. Perhaps it's just that they're getting back into the swing of being in school every day. Maybe it's something in the water.
Or the food. Not sure if I mentioned this before, but the entire lunch staff was replaced about a month ago, and when I found that out I had just seen the "School Reunion" episode of Doctor Who. I was kinda weirded out the rest of the week.
Anyway, Lizzy had to do a ton of pulling and pulling just to get the students to even try to read through their music. I took the fifth hour boys into the side office five and six at a time, to see how well they knew their parts for Now is the Month of Maying. Most of them did okay in that room, they just didn't want to sing out during class. Which is beyond frustrating.
Denny, a new student I've mentioned working with before, actually was matching pitch on almost all the notes today! His range on Friday was about an F#3-A3, and today he was doing quite well with E3-C4 in Maying.
HALLELUJAH.
I told him I was really excited for him and pleased with his progress. "Just keep doing what you're doing!" He seemed to cheer up a bit then.
Granted, when the guys had to put their parts together with the girls, he didn't do so hot, but he was consistently trying. We also sang it a lot slower in the office than we did with the whole choir. Baby steps.
And Lizzy finally discovered the secret to getting a semi-decent tone out of fourth hour: warming up the girls and boys separately. Normally her classes don't have a problem warming up together, but this class does. Both genders back off and are distracted by the other's tone. Today they sang out a bit more.
Fourth hour is still stuck on the first page of Dodi Li. Part of it is that there are both girls and boys, and they're not all completely comfortable with their voices yet. Most of it is that most of the students in fourth hour process information slower than the students in third hour, so they are consistently a day or so behind third hour. At least I know what I'm working with so I can adjust!
Finally got them to give the energy the piece requires by threatening to go back to the beginning if they let up the energy at all. They let up a tiny bit towards the middle of the first page, and I didn't start over. Tomorrow I may actually follow through if it gets them to give more and consistently.
Had a brief conversation with a student today before fourth hour after noticing his shirt.
"Is that a Kingdom Hearts shirt?"
He looked down at his shirt. "Yes."
I gave a brief, curt nod. "Good."
We then shared our hatred for the Wonderland music and how it gets stuck in your head for weeks on end. It was a happy moment, even if it reminded me that the game came out when he was a toddler, and when I was his age.
I know I'm only 22, but there are some days when I just feel old.
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