It's been a weird couple of weeks. Last week was rough, getting back into the swing of things after break. This week looked like it was going to be the same stressful song and dance, but yesterday morning it turned around.
Monday morning started off with some intensely frustrating communication errors. We had agreed upon one thing several weeks ago, Lizzy had changed her mind and forgotten to tell me, I hadn't asked her about the topic again, and she assumed I knew the change. I could write some really annoyed commentary, but I know it really doesn't matter. Eventually I basically said, "Yes sir, yes sir, three bags full," and continued with my planning. I checked the number of days I have left in the school and prayed that I could just survive them.
A short while later during planning period, Lizzy asked me to write out a list of 6-10 ideas of what to try if a part's notes aren't accurate. I wrote out about 9 things on a sheet of paper and handed them to her. After looking them over, she said I should keep that on the stand with me, so I didn't run into a situation like we'd had on Friday, when my mind blanked during a rehearsal.
I expressed to her how I was frustrated because 1) these things I listed were all things I already knew, but I couldn't remember them at the time; and 2) I always was under the impression that you're only supposed to keep all of that kind of information locked and loaded in your head, you shouldn't EVER need a physical list in front of you. Because teachers are magic filing systems who can just pull out any information they need to use whenever they need it, no matter the stress of the situation. Right?
Lizzy just laughed, and it started to make me feel better. But I was still frustrated about my own progress, so I told her as much. Basically what it came down to is that I was trying to work at the level I want to be, instead of the level I'm at and working my way up.
"It's like a kindergartener who wants to understand physics right now," Lizzy said.
I laughed heartily when she gave that analogy. I could have taken that statement offensively, but she didn't mean it as such. "That...is the most apt way I've heard it put. It's the first way I've heard it that I can actually accept its point." I'm still learning, and I'm still in an incredibly early part of my teaching. Eventually I may reach a point where I won't need as many lists to help keep my thoughts organized, but if that's what I need right now, it's what I need.
The week's outlook brightened considerably after that. I've been writing lists like crazy, brainstorming ways to keep energy up, ways to get a specific tone, phrasing ideas, etc. I think I'll post some later this week.
As far as the first problem from yesterday goes, I've determined that it was just "a case of the Mondays." Yup. Monday mornings are just rough. Somehow I'll get through!
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