All aboard the awkward train.

Sometimes, when in the company of people I'm not horribly familiar with, I clam up and just listen so I can learn more about the people I'm with, and get a feel for the conversation. Other times, if I feel like I know a couple of the people well enough, I'll start trying to contribute. This often ends badly, particularly if I'm trying to impress someone. I present you with the following exhibits from this afternoon:

This is what happened when I was going to tell Jamie about the glitter on the ceiling of my bedroom back home during high school. The ellipses represent tangents I decided not to include for length's sake.

Me: "Yeah, I redid my room the summer before freshman year of high school...I spent two weeks in the garage staining my loft, so I got very familiar with the music of 96.3 in the summer of 2003, which was okay; lots of Evanescence...and we painted the room blue" [no one was listening at this point]
JM: "Wow. You should tell that story again...except this time include something interesting."
Me: [profoundly embarrassed] "Shut up."

Lesson learned: People I don't know as well will probably not put up with my awkward ramblings. Who knew!

This is an example of me trying to incorporate a reference to a television show that in my circle of friends back home would be highly appreciated:

JG: "She said something like 'These questions might show up somewhere else soon, so you should probably keep them. WINK.' "
Me: "I think if Mary ever winked, it'd look like...[to JM, as no one else is listening at this point] have you ever seen Arrested Development?"
JM: [shakes head]
Me: Oh...well, nevermind. [I was going to say I imagine it would be reminiscent of Lucille Bluth trying to wink]

Lesson learned: Sometimes I need to have an AD filter. I'm better at having a Drop Dead Gorgeous filter since it's lesser-known, but since Arrested Development is the other piece of pop culture I constantly reference, I guess I should probably pop a filter on that as well. Ah, well.

Here's something else, I guess.

Me: "I was telling the altos something, I don't remember [ramble on about what I could have been telling them, at which point no one is listening anymore except for MH and maybe JM and JG] and I told them...have you seen Mean Girls?
MH: "Yes!"
Me: [at the same time the waitress has come to get more drink orders and etc, so it takes me like two minutes to say instead of 4 seconds] "So I told them 'If you do this or wear this (or whatever) YOUCAN'TSINGWITHUS!!"
MH: [laughs]
Me: [shuts up and takes a drink so I can sink back into listening to the conversation]

Just when I think my awkward side is tamed, this happens. I guess it's a similar situation Kelli is in, where I find my niche with my regular friends, but as soon as someone new is in the mix, I'm just like "well oh crap I have to define myself, PLEASE FIND ME INTERESTING AND FUNNY, I BEG YOU."

Oh, and I'm now actually thinking about grad school, which is mildly terrifying. I just wanted to get through undergrad and teach middle school choir and strings. Is that so difficult?