Sometimes, when in the company of people I'm not horribly familiar with, I clam up and just listen so I can learn more about the people I'm with, and get a feel for the conversation. Other times, if I feel like I know a couple of the people well enough, I'll start trying to contribute. This often ends badly, particularly if I'm trying to impress someone. I present you with the following exhibits from this afternoon:
This is what happened when I was going to tell Jamie about the glitter on the ceiling of my bedroom back home during high school. The ellipses represent tangents I decided not to include for length's sake.
Me: "Yeah, I redid my room the summer before freshman year of high school...I spent two weeks in the garage staining my loft, so I got very familiar with the music of 96.3 in the summer of 2003, which was okay; lots of Evanescence...and we painted the room blue" [no one was listening at this point]
JM: "Wow. You should tell that story again...except this time include something interesting."
Me: [profoundly embarrassed] "Shut up."
Lesson learned: People I don't know as well will probably not put up with my awkward ramblings. Who knew!
This is an example of me trying to incorporate a reference to a television show that in my circle of friends back home would be highly appreciated:
JG: "She said something like 'These questions might show up somewhere else soon, so you should probably keep them. WINK.' "
Me: "I think if Mary ever winked, it'd look like...[to JM, as no one else is listening at this point] have you ever seen Arrested Development?"
JM: [shakes head]
Me: Oh...well, nevermind. [I was going to say I imagine it would be reminiscent of Lucille Bluth trying to wink]
Lesson learned: Sometimes I need to have an AD filter. I'm better at having a Drop Dead Gorgeous filter since it's lesser-known, but since Arrested Development is the other piece of pop culture I constantly reference, I guess I should probably pop a filter on that as well. Ah, well.
Here's something else, I guess.
Me: "I was telling the altos something, I don't remember [ramble on about what I could have been telling them, at which point no one is listening anymore except for MH and maybe JM and JG] and I told them...have you seen Mean Girls?
MH: "Yes!"
Me: [at the same time the waitress has come to get more drink orders and etc, so it takes me like two minutes to say instead of 4 seconds] "So I told them 'If you do this or wear this (or whatever) YOUCAN'TSINGWITHUS!!"
MH: [laughs]
Me: [shuts up and takes a drink so I can sink back into listening to the conversation]
Just when I think my awkward side is tamed, this happens. I guess it's a similar situation Kelli is in, where I find my niche with my regular friends, but as soon as someone new is in the mix, I'm just like "well oh crap I have to define myself, PLEASE FIND ME INTERESTING AND FUNNY, I BEG YOU."
Oh, and I'm now actually thinking about grad school, which is mildly terrifying. I just wanted to get through undergrad and teach middle school choir and strings. Is that so difficult?
If you don't want to go to grad school you don't have to.
ReplyDeleteWe're all awkward. It's cool. I liked a guy freshman year who I became good friends with. The word he used to describe me was 'quiet like a mouse'
i know your pain, i know it so well. even around people i'm really close with, the bigger the group, the quieter i get (typically) (i think, idk). i'm trying to overcome that, though, & so sometimes i overcompensate. i usually don't blurt things out but sometimes i'll take a chance, which often ends disastrously, especially around my family. i'll say it too quietly & nobody will hear or my throat will crack when i go to say whatever it is or it will just be stupid & ugh.
ReplyDeletei think everyone does this. if you notice that someone else doesn't, it's probably because they are trying very very hard, or have learned to reel it in. i'd also like to take this opportunity to remind you, and console you, that you will never be quite as socially retarded as me.
ReplyDeleteON OPPOSITE DAY! SEX WITH THEIR MOTHERS! ON THE MOON!
at least you're a normal person, lol.
(edit: i'd also like to tell you that you are not NEARLY as socially awkward and retarded as this dermoty guy in the waterman right now, who is screaming about the zombie apocalypse and how he is the "goddamn devil". you are not a dermot and for this i am profoundly grateful.)
why you no update ever?
ReplyDelete