"Abby" something...

Last night I was dreading my observation today. I woke up this morning feeling more confident about it, especially since Lizzy emailed me back and told me what she wanted to do with the seventh graders. My professor (let's call him George, ignore the Wickham) decided he could come for third and fourth hour, which was great because I felt more comfortable working with them in front of him, considering the way things have been going with eighth grade the past week or so.

It all went rather well! Of course I made some mistakes that I normally try to avoid, but that happens sometimes. I did rhythm cards and movement, followed by warm-ups. Lizzy took over for sight-reading (which we forgot in fourth hour...oops) and then I rehearsed Dodi Li with them. After that, Lizzy worked Tomorrow Shall Be... with the choir while George and I went into the practice room and talked about how class went and how he evaluated me.

I pointed out things I would change and that I'm working on (classroom management, consistent energy, etc.) and George noted that I'm a step ahead of some student teachers he's seen in the past who aren't aware that those are issues for them. He went through his evaluation form with me, and every box was either a 3/4 or 4/4! Even though I have so far to go and there are many things that still need improvement, George was pleased with the progress I've made and the direction I'm headed.

At one point when George was pointing out some issues I needed to work on, he said, "By the way, that's normal." Then he paused and pointed to a list further down on the page. "But you're abnormal, because look at all of these things you've been pulling in and successfully using! This is not the average!" It was a list of all the national standards I'd pulled in, movement and multisensory activities that had been used, and the ways in which I'd been able to fine-tune shapes or tones from the choir. Relief swept over me, and for a fleeting moment Marty Feldman's face popped into my brain--hence the title of this entry.

We talked extensively about an issue I had with a boy in fourth hour, and how I let him pull the energy of the class towards him instead of taking care of it quickly. I know better than that, but I was completely taken off guard by the fact that this particular student was back from suspension. A few quick fixes and I should be able to handle it much more effectively.

George also nailed my conducting. To be honest, I haven't been thinking about my conducting at all these past 9 weeks. I've been so focused on the teaching and the working relationship with the students that I let my conducting fall by the wayside. I'm not reinforcing correct singing technique with my conducting, so much of the set-up in the warm-ups and small chunks that we rehearse goes to waste. We determined that I'm throwing energy out there, but it's all in my arms and my face--not my torso or stance, where I want the students to have energy as well.

So that's a new goal for me to work on: re-focusing on my conducting and making it both crisp and technique-enhancing.

After the insane energy I put into third and fourth hour, and the twenty minutes spent talking with Lizzy and George during lunch, Lizzy sent me off to have a full half-hour of lunch, demanding that I not come back in the choir room until halfway through fifth hour. It was a break I definitely needed, and thoroughly enjoyed. I completed four sudoku puzzles!

Sixth hour was on the ball today. It was a great rehearsal. They were with Lizzy every step of the way, and we all made music together.

The choirs are starting to realize, "Oh crap, we only have 3.5 rehearsals left," and things are starting to come together. Festival is still a daunting prospect, but it looks like it'll be okay after all.

Oy, Oof, and other descriptors.

Tomorrow one of my music professors is coming in to observe me, either late morning or early afternoon. Have I gotten a confirmation? Nope. Whatever, I'm prepared for either situation. I've been dreading this for over a week now. But I think I've come to terms with the fact that he cannot fail me, so it is ultimately all going to be fine. Even if I crash and burn, it is going to be fine.

Today was a better day...somewhat. Lizzy helped me whip first hour into shape, which was really helpful because it probably would have killed me. I think tomorrow will continue to be even better on that front.

We used the white boards today to draw rhythm symbols and write out the counts to a few rhythms. This batch of kids really catches on quickly, and I think it'll be a good unit. As long as I can get all of them participating, that is. So that's my personal goal: to nail them for participation.

Tomorrow I'm planning on a really thorough wrap-up of the rhythm unit, before moving on to melody and the singing voice on Thursday.

I got to sit in the practice room once again today during the seventh grade choirs so I could spread out my stuff and map out my ideas for sixth grade and sixth hour. It was nice to get some respite and get some work done, but I could overhear how intense and kind of scary the rehearsals went. Here's hoping they shape up when my professor is here tomorrow.

Fifth hour I ended up turning pages for Mary Bennett on Festival Sanctus because let's be real: that piano part is killer. Talk about your painful rehearsals. The back row was the only row that really knew and sang their music, proven by the row-by-row singing test Lizzy had the class go through. Oof.

Sixth hour had to deal with the consequences of being so overwhelmingly disrespectful to me yesterday, so that was lovely. Lizzy lit into them. Hoo boy.

The last ten minutes of class, they finally perked up and we were able to have some fun with Month of Maying. Tomorrow we're hoping to start with that energy at the beginning and not just end with it.

I poured all of myself into that rehearsal. It wiped me out so much that I almost fell asleep on the drive home, and immediately passed out for an hour once I got home. Oy.

That seems to be the word that best sums up the day. Oy.

Comfort Food

My lesson in first hour went well, though I kind of sputtered towards the end of it. For the last few minutes I let the students see me think instead of just seeing me do. That was the only suggestion Col Fitzwilliam (my coordinator) had after his observation. I came out of that feeling pretty good about everything.

Second hour prep was okay for the first half-hour. I told Lizzy that I needed to refocus and calm down before third hour, because I knew what I needed to do for the rest of the day. So I started doing some sudoku puzzles.

Then the accompanist, Mary Bennett, came in. At this point, Lizzy and Mary began commiserating about some issues they were each having. It was impossible to just tune them out, because I'm used to them talking through their issues with me as a sounding board. However, today I couldn't handle it. I just sat there, getting more and more anxious as I tried to solve a stupid sudoku puzzle that should NOT have been as difficult as it was.

By the time third hour rolled around, I was completely tied up in knots. I wrote down what I was feeling in one of my journals and later, I talked through it with her. But back to third hour.

The point where I started to feel like a functioning human again was when during a transition in her lesson, one of the girls asked Lizzy, "Is Ms. Renas gonna teach today?"

The girl who asked that (who shall be referred to as Anne) is a girl who has usually not participated to her full extent, and while she is a nice girl, she's been making some unwise friendships that have affected her grades.

On the handout that I gave the classes yesterday (which I mentioned in my last post), I told third hour they could draw/write on the back of it if they were done. A group of seventh grade girls? They were elated. Anne looked up at me as I walked past her and whispered, "I'm gonna write you a letter!"

When I graded her quiz, I flipped it over to read what she had written: "You are a really cool teacher, and really nice. I love being in choir with you." I could see she had hastily added "and Mrs. Bennett" to it at the end.

When I got home tonight for dinner, my mom had made carbonara. Carbonara is my absolute favorite comfort food, and after today it was exactly what I needed.

That moment with Anne (coupled with her note yesterday) was my educational comfort food: it was exactly what I needed to keep me going throughout the day. And while I may have forgotten that moment later on (ie, sixth hour), I felt completely at peace when I related it to my parents at dinner tonight.

It was my carbonara for the soul. I really don't much care for chicken soup.

First Day of Judgement

Today my coordinator (previously referred to as Col. Fitzwilliam, hereafter referred to as "Fitz") came in to Longbourn MS to observe me. I was happy that he could come in for the third hour seventh grade girls, as they are usually pretty focused and sight-read quite well. Today was, happily, no exception!

I had about twenty minutes, and of course that amount of time gradually increased throughout the rest of the day. But for third hour I stayed pretty much at twenty minutes! Phew! Goal for tomorrow: 15-20 minutes (NO MORE!!) on warm-ups and sight-reading. I picked out a few melodies for the classes that I think can be accomplished in the 10-12 minute slot I have for sight-reading, and Lizzy and I will be figuring out warm-ups tomorrow before school.

Back to today. We did some warm-ups, and the girls had really great energy in their tone, so I let them know! Of course no matter how many times I went through it on my own and wrote it down, I forgot one of the warm-ups and had to go back and fix it. Oh well, it happens.

Something Lizzy emphasizes is forward placement, and she's had to really refocus the choir on that lately. While they sang the warm-ups, the choir tapped their teeth in time to make sure they weren't smothering their sound with their lips pulled over their teeth.

It sounds weird, but it makes sense, I promise. And it got a really clear sound out of them.

I ran through the sight-reading melodies with the choir, and divided them into groups of three to see how they worked together figuring out the solfege. Fitz really liked that I made time for group work. It wouldn't have really worked for the other three classes, so I didn't use it for them. But it worked okay with third hour!

After I finished sight-reading, Lizzy took over the class to rehearse music and I went into the side office with Fitz to go over his comments on the lesson. First he asked me how I thought it went. I rattled off a list of things I would change in my approach for the next lesson, and he simply said, "You're being awfully self-critical. That's not necessarily bad," he added, seeing that I was slightly embarrassed, "It shows that you're being reflective and that you're aware of what you're doing."

He went through his comments sheet, and only had positive things to say about how I worked with the students. "You made one mistake," he said after he'd finished reading his comments out loud, "You did so well this time that now I'm going to expect all of your lessons I observe to be fantastic from now on."

I very audibly heaved a sigh of relief. "No pressure," said I. We laughed briefly.

It was really encouraging to hear from a teacher other than Lizzy that I'm doing things well. I do value both Lizzy's criticism and praise, but it is always nice to get a second opinion. I said as much to Lizzy at lunch, adding that I really felt like I didn't know what on earth I was doing.

"You gotta get over that," she declared, "You know what you're doing, but if you don't show it, the kids will destroy you." And she's right. I long ago passed the point of being clueless, but have lacked real confidence for so long. I am now willing to claim that I know what I'm doing.

That doesn't mean in any way that I'm perfect, because even people who know what they're doing make mistakes. If Lizzy didn't make mistakes in her classes, I would be both bored by her and intimidated by the prospect of teaching. If actors didn't make mistakes, we wouldn't have any funny bloopers to watch on the dvd. I know that if I keep teaching, I will look back and laugh at things I did while student teaching.

I'm excited for tomorrow's challenges, which I will meet head-on in front of a few university students coming in for observations for class. I know that they will be very critical of me in their reflections and in class, because that's how it happens. But I'm going to try not to care, because what's my mantra for tomorrow?

I know what I'm doing!

Bring it.