Fat Teacher

I was going to write a post this evening about how generally I've made a lot of progress in student teaching so far. How I've started to find my voice in the classroom. How I'm starting to allow myself to make mistakes again and be okay with that.

Because after the steaming turd of a day I've had, I was starting to feel better.

And then I was abruptly told in no uncertain terms that I am basically not going to get a job because of my weight. "It shouldn't affect if you get a job, but it probably will."

Perhaps surprisingly, my response wasn't, "That's a load of crap," but rather, "Do you think I don't know that?"

I get it. I need to lose weight in order to a) be healthier, b) feel better in general, and c) snag a husband (you know, later). I have not lived under a rock. And I get that I have to just man up and exercise already.

You may not know that I have not been oblivious to my weight gain, or to my appearance. That I long to look like I did in high school, or even two years ago. That I feel incredibly self-conscious teaching in the same room as Lizzy, who is a fit and gorgeous blonde. I get over that so that I can teach.

And the kids don't like me any less for my size. They respect and like me for my knowledge, voice, high standards, and caring attitude. I know it's only been ten weeks, but I have yet to catch wind of any students mocking me for my weight in class, and if I did, they would reap the consequences. Same goes for teasing any student in class.

Yes, I am fat. I am overweight. I am plush. I am probably--dare I say it--obese. I don't say this in a self-deprecating sort of way. Them's just facts. I believe I am fat and beautiful. But I've started on the path to becoming healthier by making some healthier food choices on a regular basis. The comment made to me may spur me to exercise on a daily basis. For that, I'm glad it was said.

But the intent seemed to be to shock me. "No!" I was supposed to say, "I can prove to them that I deserve the job, regardless of my weight!" Instead, I was bitterly upset because this person knew exactly the kind of day I've had, and decided to say it anyway.

I know there are changes that I need to make, and that it's time I started making them. Just be tactful about what you say, and seriously consider the implications. Which may be ironic after this incredibly bitter post.

I didn't include the name of who said it, because that would be poor form. I could have written so much more and gone off on tangents, but it's bedtime for me if I want to get some decent sleep.